The Disorientation

Some hopes for 2026

Good lord. It's almost 2026. How crazy.

I've been thinking about this year for the past couple of days and looking back at how it went.

I did fuck all this year. No joke. I just carried on with my life. Nothing really interesting happened to me. Didn't get to do anything particularly exciting or fulfilling. Didn't travel anywhere or meet anyone. I'm just still plain 'ol me.

And I'm cool with that. I'm not someone who gets too hung up about being a couch potato or what have you.

That said, I am interested in doing more challenging work in terms of my interests. I want to actually use my brain more.

So I've compiled a list of things I'd like to accomplish next year (or at least set out doing):

Read more

I'd like to read more. This year, I was able to complete my self-imposed "24 Book Challenge" where I'd read 24 books in a year. That may not seem like much for some, but it is for me. I don't know if I'd go for the usual 52 books next year, but you never know.

24 books was already a bit of a challenge for me. This was mainly because I go through phases where I just don't want to read. I don't know why, but I just lose any and all motivation or will to read. It can last only a few days or even a month. That's super annoying. And it's not like I dislike reading; I genuinely enjoy reading and often look forward to it.

In any case, I want to read more in-depth material about my personal interests: anarchism, linguistics, mis-and-disinformation, the occult, and others. While I have a more generalized knowledge about this spread (some more than others), I'd really like to get into the nitty-gritty of them. I am especially keen on synthesizing what I've read into "mini-essays" to show that I'm actually understanding and engaging with the material. I love reading non-fiction and writing down notes, comments, observations and so on (on a separate sheet, don't worry). I might even post those essays on this blog.

And this goal isn't limited to books, either. I want to more more short stories, essays, zines, and even blogs. There's a whole world of material I've only just scratched the surface of. Plus, I've got literal stacks of books in my room just waiting for me.

Write and publish more

I really enjoy writing. Always have. I mainly stick to fiction, but I'd like to delve into non-fiction. I've kept a list of different topics I'm interested in that I can write about in a more academic or journalistic style. I like the idea of writing "mini essays" or articles on topics that interest me. I actually find the process of reading, researching, writing, and editing to be a genuinely fun and fulfilling act.

Likewise, I'd like to publish more fiction (and maybe non-fiction). I've been published a couple of times, but they're mainly small poems. I'm very proud of them, but I'd like to get a short story or article published somewhere.

And of course I'd like to write more for this blog. I had originally planned to write one post per week this year, but failed almost immediately. For 2026, I'm definitely adamant in working towards that. Maybe every Friday? I could do that.

A more focused goal is to write everyday, even if it's just a paragraph.

Develop a video game

This one is probably going to be the hardest.

I've tried so many times to develop a video game. Each time has ended, more-or-less, in failure. I have this nasty habit of engine and framework indecision. I love experimenting and tinkering with different engines and frameworks and can never just choose one. I love the Godot engine, for example. But I also love the LÖVE framework. Haxeflixel is also really cool. Dang, but so is PICO-8. Ahh, which one should I choose?

Engines typically offer an all-in-one package at the cost of being hefty (Godot is quite lightweight, though), but frameworks allow for deep personalization of what one needs specifically without being overbearing and is more code-centric. It's a fine line for me.

What ends up happening is I've worked in all of the above, but am not proficient in a single one. I enjoy coding in both environments for different reasons, but I'd like to change that.

I want to develop a video game, even just a simple one that's only a few minutes long, and publish that.

Technically, I already have. I've written and published a few interactive fiction games, but I want to go deeper. In addition to text, I want to create character and background art, levels, music, and more. My "dream game" is just a simple 2D pixel platformer. I know, not exactly original. But some of my favorite gaming experiences involved these fun, goofy, and creative little platformers developed by an indie dev who published their work on itch.io.

Create more art

This one is on the more general side.

I have an interest in different forms of art: origami, drawing, and 3D modeling.

As a kid I really enjoyed drawing. I would draw silly little things. Doodles, really. Random characters and worlds. But I eventually lost interest. Felt that what I drew wasn't "good enough." Good enough for who or what, I don't know. But I'd like to get back into it with a more structured approach. Learn the fundamentals and blossom out from there. I'm also very interested in digital art, too.

Likewise, as a kid I found origami and fell in love. Found it amazing that a square piece of paper can turn into anything from a beetle or a flower to a dragon or a unicorn. I found origami a peaceful activity. I would fold something whenever I was stressed out. But, just like drawing, I sort of petered out in my interest. It correlated with getting more serious with school. I found I had less time for hobbies. Now, I'd like to get back into it. Start folding again. I've folded a few pieces here and there and it all comes back.

3D modelling was a more later endeavor. I discovered it in high school via a class. I forget what the class was, but we followed along tutorials to create these 3D models and simple animations. I thought it was so cool. I fell in love with the more "low-poly" aesthetic (which in turn morphed into my love for pixel art). My computer sucks, so I won't be modelling and rendering complex scenes anytime soon, but I'd love to model more stylized characters and worlds. I'm especially interested in creating Ghibli inspired work.

Finish more video games

This might sound like a weird one, but I would actually love to play and finish more video games.

As it stands, I more or less play the same few video games on a regular basis. These are games I've played over the years and have accumulated hundreds of hours in (I don't even want to think about that). Games like Skyrim, Fallout: New Vegas and Fallout 4, and the Borderlands series. I pretty much cycle through these games, even though I have a plethora of other games.

I want to experience new worlds, characters, and stories. I've got a good amount of fantastic games in my backlog: Persona 5, Death Stranding, Alien: Isolation, Midnight Suns, SOMA, NieR: Automata, Cyberpunk 2077, and a whoooooooooole lot more.

I've started a number of these games, but end up going back to Skyrim or some crap. I love those games, but I feel like I'm missing out on a whole lot of good stuff.

So I'd like to finish more games and not play the usual suspects all the time.

Learn web development

I can't remember how I got into it, but I've seem to always have had an interest in web development. I've always loved the idea of creating my own websites. I remember I would bookmark websites that had interesting designs. In general, I tended to gravitate towards minimal and simple website designs and layouts. Never been a fan of flashy and fancy animations and what not.

Anyway, I've tried to learn webdev for a while now. I'd watch a tutorial and make simple stuff, but would eventually peter out. Part of it is because there are so many different technologies and avenues of learning. You've got the markup with HTML and CSS, the languages like JavaScript and TypeScript, the libraries / frameworks like React, Vue.js, Django, the front-end and back-end stuff, and a whole host of other things. There's just so much stuff that it becomes slightly overwhelming.

Because I have this blog, I've been tinkering around and slightly modifying things here and there. However, I'm deathly afraid of fudging something up. I'd like to change that.

Even if I'm not deploying websites, I think it'd be a wonderful skillset to have. I'm always up for learning new.

Fin

And that's pretty much it. I don't really have anything life-altering that I'm keen on doing. I just want to continue on with my life, day by day. If something interesting happens, I'll write about it.

Here's to 2026 and a world on fire. And goodbye to 2025. I hardly knew ye.